Just Whelmed.
I cried last night. I don't cry often. So I was surprised.
I was reading Dallas Willard's "The Divine Conspiracy," and came to this phrase:
"Just ask yourself how many divorces would occur, and in how many cases the question of divorce would never even have arisen, if anger, contempt, and obsessive fantasized desire were eliminated. The answer is, of course, hardly at all." (pg 172)
The tears came from somewhere below my stomach. I had to just shut the book, and pray. Not because he isn't right. He is very right. On the money. The tears came from a frustrated core in my soul that knows this, and in knowing this, that there was nothing I could do, in either of my marriages, to stop the erosion that destroyed them.
So, a well-meaning statement, meant to support argument in its context, seems to have hit me in a place where I needed to weep. I confessed, I repented, I disclosed, I relinquished everything I knew I could over the years. And, I did it again.
My wounds have an interesting personality all their own. They surprise me with the strength and insight they bring to my life, and just when I think I've positioned them where I think they will be properly used and displayed, they surprise me again by resurfacing in an unexpected place in my psyche. Painful, yes; but another opportunity to invite God into another area of my heart. Thought he was there already; now I know he can occupy more room.
I'm grateful for tears, and for promises kept, and for grace. And, for the miracle of joy after tears.
I was reading Dallas Willard's "The Divine Conspiracy," and came to this phrase:
"Just ask yourself how many divorces would occur, and in how many cases the question of divorce would never even have arisen, if anger, contempt, and obsessive fantasized desire were eliminated. The answer is, of course, hardly at all." (pg 172)
The tears came from somewhere below my stomach. I had to just shut the book, and pray. Not because he isn't right. He is very right. On the money. The tears came from a frustrated core in my soul that knows this, and in knowing this, that there was nothing I could do, in either of my marriages, to stop the erosion that destroyed them.
So, a well-meaning statement, meant to support argument in its context, seems to have hit me in a place where I needed to weep. I confessed, I repented, I disclosed, I relinquished everything I knew I could over the years. And, I did it again.
My wounds have an interesting personality all their own. They surprise me with the strength and insight they bring to my life, and just when I think I've positioned them where I think they will be properly used and displayed, they surprise me again by resurfacing in an unexpected place in my psyche. Painful, yes; but another opportunity to invite God into another area of my heart. Thought he was there already; now I know he can occupy more room.
I'm grateful for tears, and for promises kept, and for grace. And, for the miracle of joy after tears.
5 Comments:
"Be angry, but do not sin." So it's not anger, but anger turned. Contempt? A total disregard or dismissal of or for another by a perverted ego. Fantasy, yes but obsessive. Another perversion of the Good. Lord, how often have I asked to know how to take the givens of and in creation and use them rightly and not to have allowed them to be perverted. Where have all the saints gone who could talk plainly to me? Thank God for Dallas Willard who speaks more plainly than most published philosophers.
I'm glad you wrote that.
And glad for your joy after.
It's so weird, the relating thing - the love thing. It's like summer road construction in Michigan - suppose to be two way, but shut down to one lane.
-Headless
Heartfelt, speaking of truth, Pat.
I likes.
BC
BC! I'm honored.
Welcome.
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